R.I.P. metabolism

Well, metabolism, it seems as though your time has come and that you have departed me for another world.

If I believed in reincarnation, I would release you with the hope that you could bring some other young girl so much joy at the thought of eating without regret.  Alas, I know that this is not to be and that you are just leaving me, alone and sad.

My only solace is that now, maybe, I will have to exert that thing called "self control" and my self discipline will finally grow (instead of my rear).

I knew it was coming.  The 8 pounds I gained overnight was just a little clue. 

RIP, metabolism, RIP.